A Little More Each Day

One working mama learning to run & to maintain my 100+ pound weight loss!

Weekly Wrap-Up: Old lady injuries

Oh you guys, I am getting old. My knee is killing me thanks to dancing too much at graduation Friday night. Why did I think I could keep up with all of those young people? LOL!
Grateful

In my defense, I was riding high on the joy and gratitude for winning a teaching award. 🙂 It’s always nice to have your work appreciated!

Looking back at the goals I set last week, I did pretty well.

  • I tracked all of my food, even the free sangria I was given on Mother’s Day (much appreciated!).
  • I drank lots of water every day.
  • I walked 30 minutes every day (and felt so good!).
    • Bonus workout: An hour of ill-advised dancing Friday night.
  • I ran once (okay, not twice, but still got in 7 intervals and felt good afterwards!).
  • I got significantly caught up at work. Now I’m only behind on two big projects – much better. LOL!
  • Family time! Oliver and I had a great Mother’s Day, with a jaunt to the hotel, breakfast together, a trip to the zoo and our favorite sushi for lunch.

NapsThe zoo wore him out, but I embraced the sleepy cuddles. I know he’ll outgrow that before I’m ready.

Oliver was SO excited about our weekend together. I went to see Guardians of the Galaxy Saturday morning and when I got home, Oliver had our luggage waiting for me.
MisadventuresAs soon as we got to the hotel, Oliver immediately busied himself unpacking per usual. Out of the suitcase came four board games, four stuffed animals, a gold doubloon and a medal. Missing? Toothbrush, toothpaste and underwear. Gotta love little boys. They have priorities. We played all four games but I never did figure out what the medal and doubloon were for.

What’s up this week? Building on this momentum! I feel like bit by bit, I’m taking baby steps back to where I used to be.

  • Run two times (7 intervals each time): One already done on Monday!
  • Four mile walk on the weekend: Long weekend walks were part of my original plan to ease back into running that I’ve forgotten about over the last few weeks of family chaos.
  • Continue this tracking momentum: Since tracking everything for the last 8 days, my weight is down 7 pounds. Is a lot of that water? Sure – but I’ll ride this momentum as far as I can to get back into the rhythm of this.
  • Continue 30 minutes of exercise a day, even with two 7 am meetings this week and a big grant deadline.

When did you realize you were getting “old”? I’m not sure if it was the sudden (and persisting!) knee pain while I was dancing Friday night or the fact that I didn’t know several of the songs the DJ played, but I definitely felt my almost 40 years this weekend.

Thanks as always to Holly and Tricia for hosting our link-up!

 

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Weekly Wrap-Up: Off the road for a bit . . .

I’m finally done traveling for a bit! I don’t have a work trip until August (other than one overnight to Kansas City) and have done my duty with my family in Louisiana for a while. Last week was rough with travel to DC and then to Louisiana for the funeral! Food choices were abysmal, but let’s focus on the positive:

  • Lots of walking, including intentional walking time every day last week
  • Another run without any recurrence of my neck pain!

Park Honestly, heading out for a muggy little run in the park on the morning of the funeral was the best antidote to all of the crazy of last week. It was just the reminder I needed to get back into a healthier mindset now that I’m home and feeling like I’ve got a little space to breathe again.

This week, my food choices have already been better by leaps and bounds! I’ve restarted tracking with points on Weight Watchers, rather than the Simply Filling plan, and I’ve found it surprisingly easy (for all of three days) to get back into the habit of owning everything I’ve eaten. I’m not naive enough to think it will stay this easy, but for now, I’m going to celebrate every good day and try to string a few more of them together. I shouldn’t be letting things like stress and travel throw me off this much – for years I managed all of this! I think I’ve just gotten so much busier at work that I haven’t made the mental space to really deal with my eating and my weight. Here’s hoping that this week’s “new attitude” sticks around for a little longer so I can build some momentum.

Goals for this week:

  • Run X 2 (moving up to seven run intervals!)
  • Walk 30 minutes every day I don’t run (doing okay so far!)
  • Track everything I eat (even that sheet cake I ate but should have skipped yesterday)
  • Drink water! (Last week was all about the large Sonic Diet Dr Peppers)
  • Get my head back on straight. Emotionally, I’m fine with my grandmother’s passing. She was 80 years old and had a full life. I’m more worried about my mom dealing with all of the logistics, but that won’t require as much hands-on assistance from me or as much mental effort as it isn’t in my wheelhouse like the medical stuff was. I had a responsibility to “fix it” with the medical issues of the last month, but don’t feel the same need to do that with the legal and financial issues that are coming now. Other people can help with that. I need to focus on getting back on track at work, and most importantly, with my family.
  • Get reconnected with my family: I had lunch with O Monday, am going to field day on Friday and am spending the night in a hotel with O on Saturday night so we can have lots of time to cuddle, play and have room service. 🙂 My kiddo loves hotels, so we’re going to celebrate Mother’s Day with just the two of us and no normal household responsibilities. O is super excited (as is Darrell, who also gets the weekend off in this deal!). I’m also planning a date night with Darrell next weekend, if we can arrange a babysitter.

What are your Mother’s Day plans? I’m mostly interested in someone else feeding me all day and doing ZERO chores all day.

Thanks as always to Holly and Tricia for hosting our link up!

 

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Easing back into running

Now that spring is here I’m itching to get back to running, but my last visit with my PT has me rethinking my original plan of diving into a Couch to 5K program.
Do you really have to run?
 Big question, right? Technically, no, but really – I’d like to. Her concern is with the impact on my probably still fragile cervical disc. The neurosurgeon said it would be a year before it had fully healed. Does that mean I can’t run at all? She didn’t say that, but did say that I should take it slow and keep it minimal during this year. She also suggested other exercises, at which point I got to demonstrate how UNcoordinated I am on the elliptical. She didn’t believe me when I said I couldn’t really do it until I showed her. She couldn’t put her finger on exactly where I was going wrong, but agreed I was definitely going wrong!
I promised no big or long running this year and to take it easy, watching for any sign of my symptoms returning. As much as I want to run for my sanity and my weight management, I never want to go through this herniated disc nonsense again.
In the sense of finding a balance, I’ve decided on this approach:
No more than 2 run workouts a week, to give me plenty of time between to notice if there’s any inflammation or any problem.
– No plans for anything longer than 5K distance or anything with speed work, hills, etc. Short easy running!
– No plans for continuous running. My goal is to keep to run walk intervals for the next year, until I’m further out from this injury.
What is that actually going to look like?
1-2 workouts a week, starting with 30 second run/2 minute walk and increasing the number of rounds of that from 5 to 15.
– If I can handle 15 rounds (about 40 minutes) of those intervals, then I’ll start increasing the run intervals up to 60 seconds (gradually) but still keep a significant walk break (no less than 90 seconds).
– Keeping up my long walks on the weekend (4 miles) and my strength training for my arm.

PT supplies

 I’ll be thrilled if I can get back to even a little running and tolerate it without injuring myself! If I notice any problems at all, I’ll stop. There are other ways to keep my sanity and my fitness. I’m not going to injure myself, I promise, even though there is a part of me that fears I’ll never really get back to running “seriously” (as seriously as this middling-slow girl was) again.
Anybody else absolutely incapable of using exercise equipment? I’ve had treadmill fails too! I’m just not the most coordinated in any aspect of life I’m afraid.

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Weekly Wrap Up: Highs and Lows

This is a chaotic phase in my life. After my trip to Louisiana, we transitioned my grandmother to hospice care and she passed away this weekend. I’m glad that she is resting now and this is over for her. Death causes a lot of angst for families, both in terms of logistical issues (traveling to Louisiana again, in the midst of back-to-back work trips) and in dealing with the emotional aspects of funerals and loss. My mother, bless her heart, is particularly squirrel-y about funerals, so there is going to be lots of reassuring required.

AlligatorI haven’t spent this much time back in gator country since I moved away 20 years ago!

It’s also causing lots of angst for my personal little family. I was out a week ago for several days to deal with issues in Louisiana. This week, I’m out of town today and tomorrow in DC for a meeting and then leave again Wednesday morning to go down for the funeral. O would miss too much fun stuff at school for him to come with me (and I’m going to miss the kindergarten musical and his first track meet!!) but I hate being away this much.

Track
This blurry photo is kiddie hurdles! Kiddie track practice is awesome!

Today, I got called here in DC because he was in the principal’s office sobbing because he thought I was coming to have lunch with him. I’m having lunch with him NEXT Monday to celebrate me being home, but that timeline was confusing for a kindergartener. We were both heartbroken for a while today. He seems to have recovered faster than me, particularly now that he knows I’ve sent a working-mom-guilt gift that will arrive tomorrow (complete with clearance from me to watch it – a movie – on a school night, even though that’s usually a TV-free time!). I’m really grateful that we’ve got family vacation coming up where we can spend so much time together that we’ll be sick of each other. PS Don’t worry – That Monday lunch date next week is happening because I’m taking a long overdue day OFF just for me after all of this!

Last week, I got in several walks, one run interval workout and hit my target of eating loads of fruits and veggies most days. Definite win! Saturday, things fell apart a little between a road trip in the rain (I brought Darrell and Oliver with me down to Missouri for a short work trip Friday & Saturday) and some stress eating due to my grandmother’s passing. I know that this coming week, with all of the Southern funeral food, is going to be a challenge. I’m going to focus on what I should be eating – 5 fruits, 5 veggies, lots of water – rather than all of the things I shouldn’t because let’s be honest – those “shouldn’t eats” are going to be hard to avoid at a Southern funeral. I’m also going to focus on lots of activity, including my two planned running interval workouts for the week and getting started with the Healthy Habits Happy Moms Walk This Way Challenge (30 days, free, here for more info). I’m going to check today’s 30 minute walk off of my list as soon as I finish here!

So, with the funeral coming this weekend, I’m not going to Cincinnati to attempt walking back to back 10K-5K within the time limits or to cheer on the awesome Meg in her marathon run. I know Meg will be awesome! If I can’t come, I’m at least going to help come up with lots of suggestions for signs for the cheering crew that is going. Share your favorites below and I’ll pass them along!

Thanks as always to Holly and Tricia for hosting our link up! Here’s hoping that after this crazy phase in life, I’ll be able to get back on track with some actual workouts to report.

What’s your favorite race sign?

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Weekly Wrap-Up: Home again (temporarily!)

It is so nice to be back home!
HomeI got some much appreciated park time with these guys when I got home Sunday. 🙂

Last week, I had to travel out to Louisiana at the last minute to help my mother coordinate a lot of healthcare issues for my grandmother. It was exhausting, but I’m glad I was able to help move things along a bit. I confess it was also very motivating, in a weird way. My mother’s mother and her brother are both hospitalized with complications of diabetes and high blood pressure that have been drastically worsened by their poor self-care. Right now I am weirdly angry that they are dying and disabled due to treatable, manageable conditions – or what are frequently treatable conditions (I know there are always exceptions). Neither of them ate well, exercised or took their medications. Neither of them got proper medical care. Lots of reasons fed into that lack of care but a big part of it was not believing the seriousness of the conditions or the need for medical treatment. With diabetes and hypertension, you often feel just fine until your disease has progressed to a point where you’re suddenly having end-organ damage and failing. This gene pool is abysmal but it’s mine and it’s a big part of the reason I lost weight and cleaned up my diet in the first place. It’s the reason I looked at the DASH diet guidelines for hypertension again when I finally got home this weekend (here) and the reason I told myself that it didn’t matter how hard it was, I had to pull myself out of this hole of poor food choices. It’s the reason I set my alarm for 5:45 today to head out to run a bit for the first time in ages.

I am happy to report that I DID get in my long walk over the weekend. I walked 7.5 miles in the Dallas airport during my long layover Sunday morning.

Airport walk

I am less happy to report that as I did that in Crocs, I have a blister. 😦 With a 7 mile walk and a 7.5 mile walk behind me, I feel confident that I can get through a 10K and 5K in Cincinatti for Flying Pig weekend.

I’m particularly proud of myself for getting that walk in, even with the very real possibility I’m going to be missing that race weekend for a funeral. It was so tempting to skip the long workout between the fatigue and the lack of proper footwear if there’s a chance it’s all for “nothing” but I suspect that if I’d been just sitting in the airport for hours, I’d have made a lot of bad food and drink choices. Moving helped avoid that.

Goals for this week:

  • Eat lots of fruits and veggies. (Specifically, 5 servings of each a day)
  • Do two run/walk workouts. (More on that specific plan later!)
  • Meditate daily. (I’m overwhelmed, to say the least with all of this family business)
  • Get a 4 mile walk in over the weekend. (Sort of a taper walk, before next week’s races)

Travel fitness tip: Google your airport name and “healthy” or “fitness” to find ideas for healthy food or exercise options in the airport. In the DFW airport, there’s a 0.7 mile walking path in terminal D marked by mosaic tiles like the one I took a picture of above. There’s also a yoga space, with mats and yoga videos on the TV!

What’s your favorite travel fitness tip?

Thanks as always to Tricia and Holly for hosting the wrap up!

 

 

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Weekly Wrap-Up: Crazy couple of weeks!

Sorry for dropping off of the face of the earth for so long! After going to California for work, I immediately turned around to be on call for a week. I am so grateful this is my last week on call for a few months! It was a doozy. I was at work 12+ hours every day and every day, I’ve more than hit my step goal thanks to all of this literal running around I’m doing!
Bright spots

One day when I came home late, Oliver and Darrell were walking around the block. O raced me around the block to go home. 🙂

Not only is work crazy, we’ve also had a lot of family health stressors. The three of us are fine, but a dear friend’s father had a massive stroke, so I’ve been spending lots of time checking in with them and visiting the hospital. He’s improving, happily. My assistant’s mother died unexpectedly. I have no idea if I sent flowers to the right funeral. My grandmother and uncle got admitted to the hospital and while both are medically fine, it brought to a head a lot of elder care issues we’ve now got to tackle as a family. They’re both down in Louisiana and refuse to leave their town, but resources are really limited there. And we’re all hours away. Sigh. Now I’m heading down to help my mom sort things out.

In the midst of all of this, I’ve had a mix of good and bad days in terms of food. Honestly, exercise has also fallen off the radar other than my PT and all of the walking I’m doing at work. This week, I’m going to get back on track even with the emergency trip to Louisiana. However, it’s time to admit to myself that this is going to be HARD. I know it seems silly, but I don’t remember it being this hard the first time around when I cleaned up my eating and started exercising. I think it was because I was starting from such an unhealthy place, it was easy to see progress with small changes. I also had a calmer life back then – less work, less busy family. I have to admit that it is going to be hard and I’m not just going to “flip a switch” to get back to normal.

Baby steps are needed. I downloaded a habit tracking app and am tracking “eat sanely” – which I know is a super unspecific goal. However, at this point I just need to feel like I’m doing better and once I start to string more and more good days together, hopefully I’ll be able to make more specific changes.

The Flying Pig race weekend is also upon us. I’m going to try to do my last 8-9 mile walk this weekend, so hopefully I’ll be ready for that day. 🙂 It’ll be hard in Louisiana, but I’ll get as much as I can. After that, I’m going to get back to the Couch to 5K program and start some easy running again. My PT would prefer I avoid long/intense running for the first year after my injury to avoid the impact too much on my healing disc so I will definitely keep it at a slow walk-run.  As soon as registration opens, I’ll register for the Road to Omaha 5K they have here each June in conjunction with the College World Series. We all knowing having that race registration is a huge motivator for me!

Send me good vibes for travel to Louisiana today and sorting out the care issues for my family! My mom is so relieved I’m coming, so I know it’s the right thing to do, but selfishly, I’m dreading the travel and chaos when I’m already burnt out.
Best hubby everMy lovely hubby got me a Wonder Woman Pez for Easter. I wish I’d thought to bring it with me this week! I think I’m going to need her.

Anybody else feel like losing weight and getting healthy was harder the second time around?

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Weekly Wrap-Up: Progress not Perfection

I keep my list of reasons “why” in the front of my list journal that I have with me every day. On the facing page, I have this:
Progress not perfection
The fact that’s its under something I scribbled out is somehow more appropriate, right? Progress not Perfection is definitely something I need to remind myself of now.

This week had some nice wins:

    • Cleared from weekly PT visits – now stretching out to every two weeks. Even better, I did a great job with my daily workouts for my arm and shoulder so I was proud of myself for not letting things slide even though I’m not getting checked as often!
    • 7 mile walk done – Sunday afternoon, I headed out for my walk and maintained around 18 minute pace even though I wasn’t remotely in the mood to push the pace. It’s nice to know that even my “easy” walking pace is a lot faster than it used to be.

Spring walk

There’s been some not-so-great in the last couple of days to balance this, I must confess. Saturday evening, we were out late and hungry. Rather than coming home to cook the dinner I’d planned, we found somewhere to eat out. It was prom night, so we tried three places before we found somewhere that wasn’t too busy and the place we ended up with didn’t offer the healthiest choices. I was tired enough that I didn’t care.

Sunday morning at 5 am, I was woken up by Oliver who was sick. Again. More vomiting. Sigh. We’d just done the GI thing on Monday. He was well for the rest of the week, until Sunday. I’m not sure it was just the dinner we had Saturday  night (a little outside his usual food comfort zone) or if he was sick with another bug. Regardless, it was another day of vomiting and sick boy. His poor tummy hurt quite a bit. Thankfully, he’s better today. Between lack of sleep and worry about him, I just ordered pizza for lunch.

However, despite less-than-ideal food choices, there are some wins.

  • I chose a glass of wine with dinner Saturday, not a sugary cocktail, and I savored every drop.
  • I skipped dessert with dinner and at home. I was full and didn’t need more. Recognizing that is a HUGE change.
  • I actually looked at my unopened box of Thin Mints on Sunday and thought “I’ve already screwed up today – might as well eat these.” However, after I got home from my walk, the urge was gone and I had a reasonable dinner.

I’m finding it easier to rein things in after “straying” which is good and I’m happy with my progress towards walking a 10K and 5K on the same day next month. Have I had things in tighter control before? Sure – but this is still better than I was doing a month ago. Progress, not perfection.

In the name of progress, I think setting concrete goals for this week is key. I’m starting the week tired after being up with Oliver and a couple of nights of poor sleep. I know myself enough to know that leads me to specifically overeating carbs (exhibit a: 3 bran muffins yesterday – small, but still . . .). Add on top of that, travel to Anaheim early Wednesday morning for a four day meeting.

Goals:

  • Track EVERYTHING – even if I go in the hole, I need to track it and own it.
  • At least ten minutes of dedicated exercise every day.
  • At least one of my physical therapy exercises a day.
  • No mixed drinks in Anaheim and no more than two drinks in any single setting (I tend to drink to network, which leads to less than ideal food choices).
  • No desserts in Anaheim.
  • No french fries in Anaheim (always the harbringer of travel-food-choice doom!).
  • Start each day with a healthy breakfast (looks reasonable from the room service menu!).

Oliver, of course, also has a goal for me in Anaheim: Get him a new Mickey Mouse sweatshirt. 🙂 He’s outgrown the last one I got him from Disneyland. I also promised him I wouldn’t be going into the park. With my injured neck and the high cost of park tickets, that’s not super hard to promise.

Question about walking as a workout as opposed to running: Should I approach fueling the same way I do with running (ie something every three miles or so?)? Certainly I don’t feel like I need something every 30-45 minutes like I do when running, but I probably need something over the 9 miles I’m going to cover next month. Any ideas or advice?

Thanks as always to Holly and Tricia for hosting our link up!

What’s your mantra to keep your head up during tough weeks?

 

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Weight Loss Wednesday: Dealing with Sabotaging Thoughts

“The scale isn’t moving anyway so what does it matter what I eat for dinner.”

“Darrell misses cheesy food. Why am I trying to force him to eat like I do?”

“I can start over tomorrow.”

Know what these are? These are sabotaging thoughts. Specifically, these are sabotaging thoughts I’ve had over the last 48 hours. I’m not the only one with this kind of internal monologue, I know. Hands raised?

One of my favorite features of the Beck diet book is the way it makes you pro-actively consider those thoughts and how you’ll handle them. Each chapter, each habit change, includes discussion of the kinds of thoughts you might have to throw you off track and ways to counter them.Those countering strategies have some common themes:

– Re-read your why list. Those things are important.

Why
You’re worth it. Don’t let yourself worry too much about how your changes will negatively impact those around you. After all, if those changes are leading to a happier, healthier you, it’s more than worth the temporary inconvenience.

Good choices have value, even when the scale is slow to catch up. Remember that you can control the inputs, not the output and every one of those good inputs is a better choice you’ve made for your body. Each one counts.

– We’re not unique in our sabotaging thoughts, which means we aren’t alone. The number of times I would be reading and realize that the sample “sabotaging thought” was EXACTLY what I’d been thinking is amazing. That doesn’t mean that I’m not a special flower (because of course I’m special, darn it!) but what it does mean that we are never alone in these struggles.

Pro-actively considering how you’re going to handle those thoughts when they arise, whether it’s dealing with a bad weigh in or a slip in your food plan or the donuts that show up at 3 pm, makes it easier to stay on the path you’ve chosen. Thinking through those strategies before you actually encounter them “in the wild” counts as practice, mental practice at least, and we all know that practice makes perfect.

What are your most common sabotaging thoughts? Have you ever actually written them out and thought pro-actively about how you’d counter them?

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Weekly Wrap-Up: Back on Track!

I finally feel like I’m starting to get back on track, after my post-marathon “rest” (that got a little too lazy!) and my poor neck injury. Let’s hope I can keep this momentum! The key, I know, is not to get carried away with myself and push too hard. A slow and steady approach is essential here.

So why am I so excited about how this week went?

    • I ran!! I got clearance from PT to try running again, no more than once or twice and only short bursts. She also said to keep it slow and keep it less than a mile. After three months without running, that was no problem. I was so excited to head out Friday morning for a short little run. I confess part of me wondered if I really wanted to run again – it is HARD after all – but I had so much fun Friday morning I know I won’t be giving up on running any time soon. 🙂

Run!

  • I made the best of a day stuck inside: The PT warned me that I needed to take time off after trying to run, because the inflammation may not show up for a day or two. No running allowed Saturday since I ran Friday. I was also stuck inside due to rain and the fact that Darrell was out of the house to see Beauty & the Beast. Oliver was in his room grounded for the stealing and wall-coloring, so I decided to spend an hour dancing. Double win: Low impact movement AND drowned out the whining a bit. (Don’t worry – Oliver could also hear the music and was dancing in his room.)
  • I walked 6 miles for my Flying Pig training. I’ve gotta say – maintaining a “non-strolling” walking pace (17:30 min/mile) in my hilly neighborhood felt like more of a workout than I’ve had in ages!

Speaking of Flying Pig, I did some checking and they keep the finish line open even after they start closing the course, which is very back of the pack friendly. You also still get the finisher medallion. 🙂 Definitely a bonus for someone who will likely be walking all of the 10K and 5K – and a motivation to have me stick with my training plan so that I can finish those 10 miles. Also a huge shout out to the Flying Pig staff for answering my email question about this so quickly!

I also did great with my strength training and PT this week, including learning to play cribbage with Darrell. My poor finger and thumb were so tired after that! I’m making a more concerted effort to use those fingers rather than work around them, which will hopefully get me back to normal soon.

Self-care was also a win this week. I treated myself to a morning at Beauty and the Beast (with a pot of tea – Alamo Drafthouse for the win at 9:15 am!) and a nice long nap with Oliver.
Naps!

All in all, a good week and I have a feeling this one will be good as well (despite the fact that it started with a 4 am wake up and a vomiting kid!).

Thanks as always to Holly and Tricia for hosting our wrap up! I’m glad to finally have something that looks more like a wrap up of workouts to report!

What’s in your emergency kit for stomach bugs? Darrell went out this AM to restock our Gatorade, Saltine crackers and Purell. 🙂 Growing up, we always had ginger ale (or flat 7-up) and saltine crackers.

PS Made a small change to my Twitter handle (@littlemoreeach) to separate my personal and blog. I am so not adept at social media! Took way too long to make this change! Anyway, if you follow blog stuff on Twitter, be sure to follow @littlemoreeach.

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Re-evaluating my “Why”

Working through the Beck Diet book again, I decided to make a new list of “Reasons to Lose” rather than keep working with my original list. My perspective may be a little different now than it was years ago, before I’d ever successfully lost weight.

2017 List:

1) To protect my health (My heart, my blood pressure, my joints)

2) To take better care of my family (When I eat better, they eat better)

3) To remind myself I’m worth it (It’s okay to invest this effort in myself among all of the other things I do)

4) To fit in my favorite clothes again (I’d finally settled into my lower weight enough to build a wardrobe I was loving!)

5) To stop feeling that nagging sense of failure (about this at least)

While I call this my “Reasons to Lose” here, this list is more about my health and my health habits more than my size (well, except for #4). Getting back to a smaller size would be nice, but the most important thing is to rein in all of those times I’m letting the fact that I’m stressed lead to food choices I’ll regret. Exhibit A) The pancakes I ordered last night because I was stressed about work. It’s wasn’t a rationally chosen indulgence – it was a stress-induced carb fest.
Essential book of life

I’ve written my list in my “book” – I’m in this book every day to keep track of notes and to do lists. This morning, I read my list before I started my day. I’ll read it again in a little while to remind me why I don’t need the pastries I’m going to pass at the coffee shop on the way to my 1 o’clock meeting.

The first time around, I kept my list on my phone so I could always see it and it really helped. I haven’t looked at my original “reasons why” list in a while. First on that list? Diabetes. Yikes. Can’t believe I forgot that when I was listing things for my health! I’m always going to be at high risk for diabetes thanks to my family history and personal history of gestational diabetes. Add my risk of high blood pressure and the lupus (and lupus meds!) on top of that and my poor kidneys would probably appreciate it if I could avoid diabetes.

More energy was on that list – and something I definitely need more of now! There were a couple of clothes related things (it’s self care, right?) and my favorite:

“Be light enough for my husband to carry me like Rhett Butler.”

With Darrell’s back, that’s never going to happen no matter how small I get. Ah well. 🙂

Looking at the two lists, I can’t help but notice that my old list was a lot more optimistic in tone. I’m a little sad that #3 and #5 are on my current list, but I’m being honest with myself. Hopefully when I re-evaluate this list with a few months of healthy habits behind me, that nagging sense of failure will be gone and I’ll have NO DOUBT I’m worth. Because I am.

Do you have a “why” list when you try to change your lifestyle?

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