I don’t have much to contribute today because my brain is a little distracted by my rheumatology appointment coming up this afternoon. There’s lots of worry and anger swirling right now, so any good vibes you can spare to keep me even keeled will be much appreciated. I know it will all be fine. I just need to keep repeating that to myself. 🙂 I’m not even sure what I want – a diagnosis so I don’t feel crazy, even if that diagnosis is something that I’ll deal with for the rest of my life? To be told I’m just getting old? Or that I’m crazy? Or that it’s really something even more problematic than the autoimmune diagnosis I’m expecting? What I’m dreading most, actually, is the very real possibility of “we don’t know but let’s watch and wait” (and draw gallons of blood of course). Waiting is not my strong suit. I’m much more into “doing.”
It’s never fair for people to get sick – it just happens. And people are much more sick than I am, so I’m lucky. And being healthy makes it all easier to bear – the fact that I got healthy doesn’t make it especially unfair that I might be sick or mean that I got “cheated.” Can you tell I’m doing a lot of self-talk today?
Really, I need you guys to come with me throughout the day to keep me from eating everything in sight so that all of this angst will just get washed away in the oblivion of food and a binge that leaves me feeling worse than I do now. I don’t miss the disgust that came with binge eating, but right about now I miss that all-too-brief oblivion I got before the disgust sank in.
It will be okay.
Before I got too distracted, I was going to write about advice for a friend who is about to become a Weight Watcher leader, so why don’t we distract ourselves with that. What would you like in a weight loss leader? We’ll put together a bunch of advice for her and I’ll share it in a post with you guys and her next week. 🙂
Thanks for the good vibes, as always.