A Little More Each Day

One working mama learning to run & to maintain my 100+ pound weight loss!

Weight Loss Wednesday Confession: I’m Angry

on December 10, 2014

I don’t even know who or what I’m angry at, exactly (other than my poor grammar right there). Nonetheless, I’m angry because after I talked here last week about how it was okay that my weight was up after Thanksgiving because of salt and TOM and everything else, the next day, my weight went up another 1.3 pounds. And stayed there all week, including on my official weigh in day yesterday. Pause while I track that weight, which I hadn’t done until this point and no matter how angry I am, I promised myself I’d weigh in and track it.

175.5 on the scale for the last week. Every day. And yes, I checked every day, having faith that my good work through the holiday and last week would be rewarded with the number on the scale I wanted to see. Never mind that I know better than that – never mind that I know the number on the scale isn’t as important as the good things I was doing in terms of food and exercise. I’m back where I was at the beginning of November (176.3 11/4, now 175.5) and I’m angry because I didn’t indulge over the holidays; I said no to desserts and bread and cheesy goo; I woke up early to run instead of lounging in bed. I ran 15 miles last week and walked some more. Shouldn’t good behavior be rewarded?

I’ll be honest, this diffuse anger is a weird thing for me. I’m a pretty even tempered person. I think it might help if I even had a real focus for the anger, but I’m rational enough to know that there’s nothing to be angry at. It’s a number. It doesn’t mean I did anything wrong or the cosmic weight loss gods hate me or the scale hates me or anything. I don’t really regret being “good” through the holidays. I’m telling you guys this today in the spirit of honesty, so you don’t feel alone if you feel angry about weigh ins, and in hopes that venting will help me get rid of this angry feeling.

There’s nothing to do but keep moving forward. I looked at the last couple of weeks and at least in the last week, I’ve fallen back into the habit of snacking on fruit late at night when I’m maybe not really hungry. Time to cut that back off. I’m also barring myself from the scale until my weigh in next Tuesday. If seeing that number is making me angry, let’s just not look at the number for a few days and see if that helps. πŸ™‚

It also helps to have a couple of concrete reminders that the things I eat and the miles I run aren’t just reflected in the numbers on the scale. I got an email from the travel provider I booked the Star Wars Rebel Challenge through last night – that’ll be here before I know it and I have no doubt I can run a 10K Saturday and half marathon Sunday because of all of those miles I’ve put in. I did a life insurance physical last week and got my lab results Monday. My results were flagged as abnormally “high” for HDL (good cholesterol), which is actually a good thing and a result of my exercise and healthy diet. Even better for me, with my diabetes risk factors, was my fasting glucose:

That's 20 points lower than a year ago!

That’s 20 points lower than a year ago!

Even after I lost weight, my fasting glucose was stuck at 105-107, which isn’t diabetic, but isn’t normal and was still in the insulin resistant range. I’m so excited to see that number getting lower!

So this week, I’m reminding myself of the good things and saying “let it go” over and over when the angry thoughts come in. I’m human, I’ll emotionally have reactions that don’t make sense sometimes and that’s okay. πŸ™‚

I know I’m not the only one who gets angry at the number on the scale, right? And probably not the only one singing “Let It Go” in her mind right now either. πŸ™‚


3 responses to “Weight Loss Wednesday Confession: I’m Angry

  1. […] Weight Loss Wednesday Confession: I’m Angry Dec […]

  2. I like the focus on the positives. I definitely get frustrated when I do all the right things & still see a gain. You’re so right to not focus on that number. It will go down when you keep making the right choices like you are.

    • I really proud of myself for not stepping on the scale so far this week. We’ll see how that focus on the positives plays out next time I have to weigh in. I just have to keep reminding myself that it is the healthy thing to do!

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