A Little More Each Day

One working mama learning to run & to maintain my 100+ pound weight loss!

A weekend where I did everything wrong

on October 23, 2014

Anybody really ready for October to be over? It’s normally my favorite month of the year, but this month has run me ragged. I’m exhausted and looking forward to November, where I get a little bit of space to catch my breath. I woke up at 3:45 this morning so I could catch my 6 am flight to Salt Lake City. I am definitely done with 6 am flights! They are brutal, especially when you have to work all day once you arrive at your destination. Whew. Enough whining. Salt Lake City is beautiful today and this is my last work trip until February and I’m fortunate enough to have a job that allows me to see the country, so I shouldn’t complain, right?

The same fatigue and stress that’s leading me to whine about my early morning also triggered a weekend where I struggled mightily with my food choices. Over the last couple of years, I’ve gotten so much better at dealing with stress and fatigue without turning to food but I definitely still struggle and this weekend, it wasn’t pretty. It started Friday night, when I’d decided to make spaghetti for supper because I was running a half marathon that weekend, so pasta for dinner was fine, right? I ate a reasonable portion of pasta, but the problem came with the fresh baked loaf of Italian bread I’d grabbed on impulse at the grocery store that evening. It was sitting there on the racks by the check out line, steaming up its little bag because it was so fresh and warm and I caved (again thinking “I’m running a half marathon this weekend” – see a theme here?). I had a piece of the bread with dinner, no butter or anything and literally moaned with enjoyment of it. Bread is such a trigger food for me and this bread was soft, chewy and warm and perfect. I told my husband he’d need to take the loaf away because I didn’t think I’d be able to stop myself from eating more than one piece and sure enough, a couple of minutes later, he did have to take the loaf away when I reached for more (he did ask if I was serious when I asked him to help me and I grudgingly admitted I was). I also had a cookie that night (recipe coming next week!) and I can’t even remember what else. No true binging, but definitely a lot more than I should have eaten and a lot of excusing it because “I was running a half marathon”.

Chocolate chip cookies made with almond butter - yummy!

Chocolate chip cookies made with almond butter – yummy!

Saturday morning, we went out for breakfast and again, I told myself I needed an extra carb for the race and ordered an English muffin. I forgot to specify no butter and it came drenched with butter. Instead of sending it back like I normally would to get a replacement or skipping it, I ate it anyway because hey, I was running a half marathon (how many times did I use this excuse this weekend? Countless!). I paid for that choice with serious GI upset for the rest of the day, enough that I packed Immodium for the race. Sigh. I had several errands to run Saturday morning before we could leave for the race. I picked up take out sushi for lunch and ate two rolls in the car on the way home. Not hungry, just definitely in eating mode. The excuse making and overeating persisted through dinner, where I ate at least 4 pieces of garlic bread and two bowls of pasta. It’s a miracle I didn’t have GI issues during this race.

Post-race, I ate 2 of the sandwich halves they were offering in the awesome post-race food court, plus a Larabar and then we hit up a brunch buffet where I proceeded to eat enough that the post-binge feeling of shame and frustration totally overshadowed my excitement about the half marathon. I hate that I let food and my feelings about food rob me of the satisfaction I should have been feeling. I’d just run 13.1 miles for crying out loud – no matter my time, that was a huge accomplishment and I should have been able to celebrate that. Instead, I wallowed in more GI upset and self-disgust for the rest of the day. Even once I realized I needed to rein this in, I feel into the trap of “tomorrow I’ll get back on track” and ate a bagel with almond butter because I had them both and I wouldn’t be eating things like that once I got back on track. Might as well get them out of the house by eating them rather than wasting them by throwing them away, right? And another cookie of course. Was I hungry? Of course not. I definitely wasn’t feeding any physical hunger by this point.

Thank goodness this is out of the house now.

Thank goodness this is out of the house now.

I did get back on track Monday morning, back to tracking WW points and making healthy choices. And I did weigh in Tuesday morning, knowing I’d see a big number from the weekend of overeating and the long run (I’m always up a few pounds after a long run).

We're going to hope at least a few of those pounds are due to the long run, but regardless, I needed to face the number.

We’re going to hope at least a few of those pounds are due to the long run, but regardless, I needed to face the number.

Even when you “know better”, it’s easy to fall into the mental traps like using a long run as an excuse for days of overeating or waiting until a magical day to restart healthy choices or eating the “bad” things so that you aren’t tempted by them anymore. In a sense it’s been a relief to get back to the structure of WW points this week, but I’m working on consciously forgiving myself for this weekend and learning from it. This is a constant learning process and slip ups will happen. The victory is in picking up and making the next healthy choice.   Although I do wish I was carrying my half marathon medal with me as a tangible  token of victory. 🙂

 

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10 responses to “A weekend where I did everything wrong

  1. Kristin says:

    You’re amazing and such a hard worker!! You’re such an inspiration to me!! You GO GO GO and I’m sure your exhausted a lot, but I love how you still find time to exercise and look fabulous!! You’re awesome!! xoxo

  2. Hugs! You had a great race; I know it’s hard, but try not to beat yourself up too much. Stress is such an eating trigger for me, so I understand completely, but a wise woman (you :)) once told me not to worry too much about it and don’t let a bad day turn into a bad week, month, etc. I’m proud of you for getting back on track on Monday! I am also looking forward to November! October is one of my favorite months, but this year, October has been so crazy busy. In a great, but exhausting way! 🙂 Those cookies look fabulous! Have a great weekend and revel in the pride of finishing your race! I’m so proud of you!

    • I’m getting back to normal. It’s really hard shutting out the “failure” thoughts but getting it out there yesterday really helped, as does being back to normal tracking. I do wish I had my medal though. 🙂

      On Fri, Oct 24, 2014 at 1:00 PM, A Little More Each Day wrote:

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  3. […] grumpy and whiny place mentally. I was tired from travel and still beating myself up a bit for overeating over the weekend before and was feeling more than a little on edge. Thankfully, I got a good night’s sleep and woke up […]

  4. […] back to normal when the holiday is over. I still have in my mind how physically sick I felt after going off the rails the weekend of the Des Moines half marathon, so that’ll help me keep things in […]

  5. […] race weekend is to keep my fueling in the right zone – not restricting myself out of fear of repeating the way I felt the weekend of the Des Moines half marathon but not going back to that overboard place either. This is a little complicated by the fact that […]

  6. […] last year and was disappointed with my mental finish. I just gave up at the end. I also had some binge troubles over that weekend, so I’m looking for an all-around do-over for this race weekend! I […]

  7. […] the past. I still have a little fear of those foods. At the Des Moines half marathon last year, I definitely went overboard (although didn’t truly binge) and felt disgusted with myself afterwards. Beyond the emotional […]

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