A Little More Each Day

One working mama learning to run & to maintain my 100+ pound weight loss!

A tough parenting night, but glimpses of healthier coping

on July 29, 2014

I got to daycare a little early yesterday to pick up O since I’d left work early for an oil change and they finished faster than I expected. When I arrived at school, they were on the playground and my guy was sitting off by himself (looking for bugs he tells me). When I got there, he stood up and another kid ran across the playground to shove him to the ground. O was crying, the other kid was laughing and the teacher ran off to corral the other kid while O ran to me. After some talking at the fence, the teacher brought the other kid over to O to say sorry but the other kid was still giggling and O, being a toddler, starting giggling too. The teacher made some offhand comment about rough housing and we left before I said something I shouldn’t because I was LIVID. This is the same kid that bit Oliver for a year and the same kid that O has been telling us stories about for the last few weeks, where he gets pushed by this kid or this kid tells the other kids not to play with him. They’re 3 year olds! I wasn’t ready for this kind of bullying yet and I’m worried that’s what this is. Rough housing implies something both parties are participating in and that wasn’t what happened here. With the things O was telling us, we were naively trusting that he must be misinterpreting things and his teachers would tell us if there was a problem. After what I saw today, I have lost a lot of faith in his teachers.

Who could be mean this guy?

Who could be mean this guy?

I know what O needed for me to be calm and to be there for him and not add to the stress. He seemed okay once we got home and we worked in the yard, went for a walk and had a great dinner together. At bedtime, he wanted me to come in and sing and rub his belly because he didn’t feel good, which has become a more regular thing lately and I suspect I now know why.

We will meet with the teachers. We will love our child and help  him learn to respect others and keep his beautiful empathy and develop a healthy self esteem and I know he will get through this. I hope the other child also gets the help he needs because being a bully isn’t healthy either, physically or psychologically. I rationally know this but my mama bear is raging. And the part of me who got accused of being “too sensitive” because I didn’t like my family’s harsh teasing “humor” as a young adult worries that I’m overreacting. Sigh. I’m rationally pretty sure I’m not and there’s risk in under-reacting here so I think I’ll follow up with his teachers.

Amidst all of this though, I didn’t want to eat. I wanted to go for a long run, where I could vent all of the inappropriate things I want to say and do about this situation. Remarkably, though, I didn’t want to dive into pizza or ice cream. I texted my husband and ranted a bit on Facebook. I messaged my parents because I knew their anger would both make me laugh and help me keep my own in perspective.

I got O and I drinks at Sonic (because days like this call for the magic of a Sonic drink – what is it about their ice and sodas?) but didn’t feel tempted by the mozzarella sticks. I wrote here to vent a bit too, all healthier means of dealing with distress than a binge and all (knock on wood) with far less effort than it would have taken on stay on track a year ago.

It’s not perfect – I admit I inhaled the grapes that my husband had washed for breakfast in the morning – but it is definitely progress and that is a definite victory.

 

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9 responses to “A tough parenting night, but glimpses of healthier coping

  1. Awww poor little guy. Kudos to you for keeping your composure!

  2. Wow, what is with teachers these days?! UGH. I would give her a piece of my mind then take him to a new school and make sure other parents know not to send their children to that school.

    I realize this may be overkill, but stuff like this is just so wrong. I can’t believe this kid wasn’t facing consequences in any way. You are so strong for keeping your cool and realizing that O needs to see a cool and collected mother. He’s gonna grow up to be a wonderful guy!

    • Thankfully, my conversation with the lead teacher this morning went well. She understand exactly how wrong the afternoon teacher’s response was and I’ll talk with the daycare director this afternoon about maybe refreshing their training on bullying when they have their in service training day this Friday. I told the teacher I was not going to be nearly as patient with the school’s response to this as I was with the biting.

      Sent from my iPad

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  3. nancykerins says:

    First of all, congratulations on not wanting to eat.

    As an ex preschool teacher and a currently mother (my son just turned 6), I have to say that the teacher’s attitude would worry me as well.

    What is unfortunate in life is some kids/people are just not born nice people. I hate to say it, but it’s true. I’ve seen it as a teacher and I’ve seen it as a parent and unless that kid’s parents are willing to work on them, then there will be only so much that the teachers can do. Of course, at the same time, the teachers should be doing everything they can and not tolerating that behavior.

    Parental and teacher attitudes can make that situation better/worse and sometimes it’s not natural behavior, but taught.

    I am the parent of a child who has had some behavioral issues. They started when my son was 2 and I’ve been thankful to have teachers that would work with me and that also recognized that I was willing to work with them. I also consider it very lucky that by nature my son is a very happy, loving child who wants to be friends with everyone, but didn’t develop the social skills along the way that others did.

    Biting can be a hard one depending on the age as it’s a very common behavior that happens for a short period and then children grow out of when they becomes more verbal.

    Bullying, hitting, etc. though should NEVER EVER be tolerated. Yes, kids are going to hit other kids, especially at young ages while they are learning their social skills, but it should never be tolerated.

    Some people like to take the attitude that “boys will be boys”. If my husband, my son’s teachers and me took that attitude, he probably would still be having all sorts of issues at school.

    After testing and research, we found that my son has severe ADHD and mild aspergers. With medication and social skills groups he has come a long way and continues to improve and thrive.

    I’m glad you spoke with the other teacher.

    • As much as I want to protect my kid, I’m honestly worried about the other kid too because these behaviors seem to be escalating as we move up through the classrooms and I want to be sure someone is working with him. You’re so right – if we just say “Boys will be boys” we miss the opportunity to help all sides of this. I’m going to talk to the directors this afternoon as well so a) I can be reassured that this was one errant teacher, not something they as a school will allow to happen, b) so that they can work on re-educating that afternoon teacher a bit, and c) so they know to keep an eye on this boy so that he can get the help he needs if this continues. I’m so glad your son is thriving with the help he needed!

      On Tue, Jul 29, 2014 at 1:39 PM, A Little More Each Day wrote:

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  4. leannenalani says:

    You have every right and are completely justified feeling the way you do about O’s situation. That isn’t even remotely roughhousing and it is astounding that there haven’t been any interventions done to resolve things. I hope you can help them get theri s**t together.

    • We have school open house this week, so we’ll touch base again to see how things are going. O’s refusal to set foot inside the classroom is getting better, at least.

      On Wed, Jul 30, 2014 at 5:06 PM, A Little More Each Day wrote:

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  5. […] original plan for our Mommy-Oliver day off, which we really needed after the stressful events of earlier this week. We went to a pottery store to paint some ceramics for my parents’ birthdays next month and […]

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