A Little More Each Day

One working mama learning to run & to maintain my 100+ pound weight loss!

Temptation​s when there are no witnesses . . .

on May 22, 2014
I spent some time at home this week with O while he was getting over a minor bug and yet again it was time that I struggled with the temptation to eat (and eat and eat and eat and eat). I can’t really blame stress, because he wasn’t that sick and I wasn’t worried about him. I knew it was just a normal daycare bug. I can’t say I was stressed just by being with him, although anyone who knows two year olds knows that they can be as trying as they are fun. He was sweet and easy for the most part and we got to have lots of snuggles.
image
There were countless times during the day I was squashing urge to eat. I felt like I was starving all day no matter what or how much I ate, but what was most disturbing was the realization that I was catching myself falling into the “no one is here to see me eat X” mentality. Being in an environment without witnesses is a huge binge trigger for me. I struggle with it when I travel for work and I struggle with it every time I’m home with O alone. I’ve even found myself lately falling into that thought process late at night when I’m up in the kitchen while Darrell is down in the shower.
Sneaking food when no one was looking is the first thing I can remember as being “off” when I look back at my history with food and wonder how I got so screwed up. I can remember sneaking 3-4 slices of sliced white sandwich bread with me into the bathroom to inhale when I was in middle school and junior high. It always seemed to be a response to pressure, external and internal. I have high expectations for myself and because I’ve been successful, others have high expectations of me as well. Irrational as it is, sneaking food when no one is watching became my screwy coping mechanism for that somewhere along the way.
I don’t think I’m going off the deep end or anything. If anything, these temptations are getting easier to handle in that I now ignore the temptation almost always. Because I have practice ignoring that temptation, it’s easier to tell myself that no matter how I might feel in the moment “this too shall pass.” It is interesting to me that with almost two years of healthy eating and working on “why” I’m eating, the temptations are still there in the same scenarios they always have been. It’s easier to deal with now, but the urges haven’t really dissipated yet. I wonder if they ever will or like so many other things, it will require constant practice and vigilance?
I could look at this two ways:
A) I could be depressed that the binge temptations are never going to go away and I’ll never be “normal” or
B) I could celebrate the fact that I have gotten so much stronger at quieting those urges and have developed healthier coping mechanisms.
It may be that eliminating the temptation and urges all together is an unrealistic goal. Even people without a history of binge eating have to battle with temptations occasionally sometimes, right? For now, I’m going to celebrate my progress and remind myself (and anyone else out there who needs to hear it) that anything I’m tempted to eat just because no one is watching is probably something I need to put down and walk away from. 🙂
Advertisements

10 responses to “Temptation​s when there are no witnesses . . .

  1. Kristin says:

    Good morning!!! You’re fabulous and should be so proud of yourself that you’ve come to these realizations!! You should definitely celebrate the fact that you’re strong and aware of your eating habits!! The progress you’ve made is astounding and you’re an inspiration to so many!!

  2. Having a schedule of what I’ll eat and when always helps me deal with temptation. It started just from being busy and having to pack my meals, and then I realized not having to pick what to eat and when helped me stay on track. Maybe that will help you even when you are at home, I think as you get more used to eating healthy/less, it will be easier to avoid temptation.
    And I know most of it is emotional.. but sometimes doing practical things can help move those emotions aside and deal with a situation in a practical way.

    • Exactly! It’s those unexpected days at home that throw me off of my schedule and normal eating routine. I need to work on keeping that routine even when it is an unplanned day at home.

  3. Love this – you should absolutely celebrate your ability to overcome temptation easier!! I’m not going to lie, cravings will probably come and go throughout your whole life, but your will power gets stronger every time and even though it has already gotten easier for you, I would bet it will become second nature eventually to ignore those food urges. Way to go Jess!! NSV!

  4. runawaybridalplanner says:

    Celebrate your strengths!!!! Overcoming bad habits isn’t an easy thing to do, so I say always celebrate your victories even the small ones:)

  5. KarenK says:

    I could have written this post! Being alone at home is a HUGE trigger for me (and I work from home). Sometimes it doesn’t bother me but if I’m upset or anxious – watch out! Thanks for discussing your struggles with it, too.

    • I can’t imagine working from home just for that reason! I do okay if it is a planned day at home, like I know I’ll be home all day for a repair guy or something, but these unplanned days throw me for a loop!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: