A Little More Each Day

One working mama learning to run & to maintain my 100+ pound weight loss!

Light at the end of the binge eating tunnel?

on January 14, 2014

Yesterday was a day full of mom fails.

At around 9:30 Sunday night, O woke up and called out for us and then we heard a weird noise. He was quiet again after that, so we didn’t go in and disturb him (having learned with our kid that letting him go back to sleep on his own definitely gets him a better night’s sleep). Monday morning, I went in to get him up for school and could immediately smell that something was off. He’d thrown up in the night sometime and he, his bed, his toys and the carpet were covered with it. I spent the next two hours cleaning him up, cleaning the carpet, washing loads and loads of laundry (that actually took all day!), cleaning the nooks and crannies of the bed that had gotten hit and tossing out books that were ruined. Toys got washed and spot cleaned if they couldn’t go in the washer (like my 30 year old Cabbage Patch doll that he loves). Kermit and Fozzie Bear spent the day laying in my closet airing out after getting Lysol and Febreeze coated (although they don’t appear to have been directly hit).

He seemed to feel fine (although he did tell me at one point “I no better. No go school.”) but I felt horrible for letting my kid sleep in vomit all night.

While I was busy cleaning up and beating myself up, the diaper somehow failed to magically change itself which meant I looked up at about 9:30 (3 hours after he’d gotten up) to see him sitting on my husband’s side of our bed with the sheets and pillows around him drenched from his overflowing pull up. This started yet another round of cleaning and self-flagellation (although I could at least reassure myself that he was well-hydrated despite the vomiting!).

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He’s fine and spent the afternoon happily sitting in a box making robot sounds and I will eventually forgive myself for my mom fails, but the bigger news for me is that at no point during all of this did I feel the urge to hide in the pantry and eat everything in sight. I could have. We have Christmas candy in there and various other cookies and treats. O was happily watching movies, so I could slip away safely (and even if he caught me, I’d just have to share – it’s not like he could really tell anyone about it). A couple of years ago, that’s exactly what I would have done. I think even 6 months ago, I would have struggled against the urge. It didn’t even cross my mind. I was tired and felt bad about myself and was home with no real witnesses – a recipe for a binge if ever there was one (for me anyway) and yet the urge never came.

This doesn’t mean my dysfunctional eating is cured by any stretch of the imagination, but it does mean there’s hope. Leanne over at leannenalani.wordpress.com has been writing this month about her foray into intuitive eating in an attempt to find some balance after weight loss and two years of maintenance. I’m eagerly following her explorations because it’s something I hope to tackle myself one day.  I definitely don’t think I’m to the point yet where I could eat intuitively without tracking to keep me honest, but little victories like yesterday give me hope that one day I’ll get there. That’s definitely my big non-scale victory for this week.

What are your non-scale victories for the week? I think sometimes the victories that occur off the scale are the ones that really matter in the long run, so don’t lose track of them!

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9 responses to “Light at the end of the binge eating tunnel?

  1. leannenalani says:

    Wow, great NSV! I’m sorry your little guy got so sick, but it sounds like things are better now so that’s good. 🙂 Stress is a huge challenge, especially in high stress situations like that. I would like to tackle emotional eating a bit this year along with the balance thing. The Intuitive Eating book touched on it but it didn’t seem to thoroughly address it.

  2. Lauren says:

    That is an awesome non-scale victory! I love that you count those into your weekly celebrations. Like you said before, numbers are not everything :0)

  3. Aww, I hope he’s feeling better! NSV was not caring when the scale went up after a 10 mile run. I know it’s just water and swelling and it didn’t bother me when in the past it would have. Hard to break those cycles, but feels so good when you do!

    • I just read some comments on the Team runDisney Facebook page where people are experiencing the same gain post-marathon. I never thought about it but it does make sense. Really, after running 10 miles, the scale is irrelevant. You’re clearly a rock star! Hope your knee is feeling better!

  4. Congratulations; that is a great nsv!! I am having a really hard time right now with binge eating, but I hope to be at the point soon where that isn’t my normal reaction to every day stress and emotion. Baby steps! I am so sorry to hear about your son! I have had so many mom fails (the latest is my youngest has discovered how fun it is to stick his hands in his diaper if he isn’t wearing a onesie and the other night I smelled something funny and he had put his hand down the back of his diaper and it happened to be loaded and he had been touching quite a few things in our living room. Yuck! Needless to say, we are putting him in onesies for awhile until this fascination with his behind is over). We do the same thing if our little guy makes a peep in the middle of the night; we let him self soothe because it is much easier for him to get back to sleep versus when we go in to try to calm him, so I understand that, too! Just know that at the end of the day, you are doing your best and try not to beat yourself up too much (easier said than done). I hope your son is feeling better soon and that your day was better yesterday! I think it is great that you looked at the positive outcome of that situation (no binge eating!!); that is a great outlook to have!

    • O went through that phase. He’d wake up from naps with his hands down in a poopy diaper. I nearly died laughing the first time daycare told me about it and was glad it hadn’t happened at home where I had to clean the mess. 🙂

  5. […] experiencing in maintenance and accepting my identity as a runner, Revelations about why I run and Light at the End of the Binge Eating Tunnel. I also loved the experience of my Spur of the Moment Run and therefore love the pictures in that […]

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