A Little More Each Day

One working mama learning to run & to maintain my 100+ pound weight loss!

One more day . . .

on October 14, 2013

Saturday night, I made a couple of bad decisions that resulted in a near miss. We have a couple of big tubs of cookie dough in the fridge that we bought from a neighbor’s kid as a fundraiser (we sort of feel obligated to purchase for future good neighbor good will when it is our kid! hate fundraising!). I decided to bake the rest of the monster cookie dough to send the cookies off to work with my husband Monday and for some reason, thought I’d do it Saturday night instead of Sunday night. My husband has been eating the other container of cookie dough raw a few spoonfuls at a time, thankfully, so it ended up being only about 15 cookies I baked.

In itself, that would have been fine. However, I also encouraged my husband to go out to the movies Saturday night. This month, I’m traveling or on call every weekend but this past one which means lots of solo parenting on the weekend for my husband. He wanted to see the movie Gravity and Saturday night was a good time for that (plus, the whole premise of that movie makes me panicky so it isn’t one we would want to see together). This means that just as the house was starting to smell like warm cookies and chocolate, he was heading out (at my insistence), leaving me alone with O for the night. I put O to bed and came out into a house that smelled like fresh baked cookies and no witnesses.

imageSigh. This is the kind of night that has spelled binge for me over and over again in my life. Alone at night, with fresh baked goods and throw in a little PMS and some doubts about what my real goal weight should be (topic for a different day, but something I’m pondering) – my fellow binge eaters and recovering (are we ever really recovered?) binge eaters understand just how touch and go things were for me. I would not have stopped with those cookies. My poor husbands cookie dough, all of the various cookies and Halloween candy in the pantry and who knows what else would be gone – anything I could get my hands on and destroy the evidence of before my husband got home.

I made it through with the help of some carrots, my favorite Greek-PB2 yogurt and several mugs of decaf coffee (something warm in my hands really helps me with these moments). Most importantly, I physically closed the door between me and the kitchen where the cookies were cooling. (My other go to for binge-temptation survival, getting out of the house for a walk or run, is off the table since I was home alone with O) I left the cookies for my husband to pack up.

image

It made me think a lot about recovering from addiction. Some people keep a number of days sober or drug free or binge free but so far, I haven’t been able to think about it those terms. Every time I get through a night like that, I think of it as one more day. Nothing more, nothing less than one more day I was able to rise above that temptation.

What sets you up to give in temptation? How do you get through it?

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7 responses to “One more day . . .

  1. Great job of getting through it! It’s not easy, that’s for sure. I read, or do something to keep my mind/hands busy. Or run…running helps me too.

  2. WTG, what a major accomplishment! I know the feeling well and my biggest problem is that I get mad. I get so mad at my rationalizations and my excuses. I think for me each day gets easier, so I divert my attention and remind myself that it will be harder for the next week if I give in. Some weeks are better than others, I find in training, I use exercise as an excuse. NOT a good idea!

    • Diverting attention is so key! I’ve been really careful about rewarding workouts with food all along because I’m worried that on days like this, I’d also use my exercise as an excuse to go crazy and that’s definitely a slippery slope!

  3. leannenalani says:

    I love the strategies you used to avoid binging on the cookies. Congratulations for overcoming such a difficult obstacle.
    I chew mint gum to prevent just about any binge, although if the compulsion is strong enough I might spit it out and go for the dough anyway. I can’t think of binging in those terms of “how many days since…” because there are still some rare days when I mini binge. A couple times since my last full-on binge (which was in June) I had some days where I ate waaaay too much, but not totally full-binge mode. Does that make sense?
    There are a bunch of girls doing a Christmas cookie day at my mom’s house, and that has me worried. The last time, I was still in weight loss mode and the day did not go so well…

  4. A Christmas cookie day would be especially hard. Christmas cookies have huge emotional tugs for me, so I’d have a hard time with that one. Bring lots of gum! I do find that I go through a lot more gum myself now – it really does help.

  5. […] had trouble with both night time (as discussed previously here and here) and afternoon transition-time eating (here).  Just yesterday, I had to go down to a […]

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